if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
