Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
