So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
