i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
