i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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