Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
