Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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