Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
