Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
