FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
