I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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