I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
