So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
