Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
