all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
