Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
