I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
