Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
