At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
