That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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