So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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