I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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