i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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