if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
