ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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