we made out on top of his cat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
