Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
