Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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