Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
