Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize