I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.