There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
So. Much. Porn.
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