we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
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Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In other news, I just burned my penis
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to