I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize