I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
