OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.