so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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