And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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