I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
