I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
