It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
