Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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