hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
