i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
