at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
