Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
