Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
