he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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