I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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