i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
