Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So vagazzling was a success
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
