she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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