Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
