OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
