we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
