dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
