i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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