its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
