Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
