no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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