Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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