I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize