Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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