You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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