Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
