Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
