so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
