M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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