clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize