I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
