i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
