Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
