She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
