Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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