I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
