everyone is single if you try hard enough
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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