Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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