If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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