I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
